$30 SHORT OF RENT I was on the couch thinking people were spying on me. Delusional like nausea of the brain and anxiety exploded. My pills don't work but they help. Didn't matter, I had already taken them. Then the diarrhea came. A couple of rock turds that seemed like they were speaking to me pushed out saying, "IT'S ALL OVER FOR YOU." Then a stream of consciousness black and brown water current of shit (me with no life jacket) poured from the guts of my mind anus. I laid back down. The phone rang. It was my wife, "We're $30 short of rent we need to deposit $30 now. It's due today or we will get huge late fees that we don't have the money for.” I had no cash on me only a debit card with money on it. I had to get my shit together even though it all already came out of me. I changed my ass crapped underwear. I hadn't showered in days. I sprayed dollar store body spray all over me, even my hair, to make sure I didn't stink. I had to run over to the grocery store as a maniac to get $30 cash back. How could I leave like this? I didn't know but I was doing it anyway. I changed outta the shirt I'd been wearing for 2 days into one my mom gave me (if only she were here to make it better I thought.) But I'm not a child anymore so I smoked some cigarettes to gain some peace then out the door I bombarded. The cat got out and the only way to get her back in is to give her a treat and she's too fat. She will put her claws in the carpet of our buildings hallway and you can't even pick her up. My claws were in the carpet too. I wanted to go nowhere but back on the couch to nurse my mentally unstable condition. I reluctantly gave the cat a treat to get her back in then I walked outside and my feet got wet. I crossed the street without looking, coulda gotten smashed to pieces. Got inside the grocery store which was overrun with people. My anxiety increased. The people looked like beetles. The Beatles were playing over the speaker. Irony like a snake of satan making me wonder if they were beetles crawling over bananas and sausages. I pressed on with a gallant look down the bread aisle feeling like my father taking care of my family. They were out of the energy drink I wanted so I got the orange one that looked like hellfire to my eyes and entered into a very long line. I swear there was an angel behind me buying italian bread (maybe for the Vatican?). For some reason I felt ok in front of him. I don't know maybe I was delusional again. The guy in front of me was buying a million frozen pizzas and looked like he was frozen in suspended animation, waiting there. (More irony from lucifer). Then he rumbled out of it angry at the check out lady for leaving the register to go help some people who didn't speak english. I got to the check out and I started to think oh my god there's no money on my card. I made my purchase typed in $30 cash back and it went through. I ran out to my wife in the parking lot counted the cash a million times in the car to make sure it was right while speeding off to the bank. Had a panic attack slumped in the seat. Was outta breath again had to get my shit together before it ended up in my pants (praying) Got to the bank finally, deposited the money and (Thank God) paid the rent. My brain and body paid a lot too that I think will never get paid back. Then I got home without remembering how I got there and made another deposit. This one in the toilet again. Went back to the couch and my cigarettes and still felt like I was reliving this hades experience over and over again. I got up in my delusion and started to think I had to go to the grocery store to get $30 then remembered I just did that. Smoked and went to the couch and fell asleep. I dreamt of the angel eating his Italian bread and drinking wine with Jesus. They even gave me a sip to calm down.
