Toby poked a hole in the woman he loved. His belt buckle, the culprit. She hissed like a snake so he ran like the Dickens. The trailer is all hers now.
I've always thought the term "like the Dickens" had to do with Charles Dickens but I found out that "like the Dickens" is a substitute for the Devil and that folks back in the day didn't want to say Devil out of superstition. So, since Devil is a proper noun I think it should prolly be capitalized.
Gritty, I like it. Nice opening line, the image is strong. I was thinking about stationary and a hole puncher passing its metal rod through paper. mike
It is funny, punched is cleaner and quicker for me a little more clinical. Poked suggests a more extended action. He... buckled, belted, strapped took, pierced, whipped.. I quite like how whipped works sonically with the hiss in the following stanza! choices, choices!! Sometimes I can spend a long time considering the question what verb works better... sometimes the verb becomes a noun or I find a Spanish verb that nestles nicely among the English! Enjoy
Thanks Tom! A good reason for Toby to run! Your comment gave me cause to restructure from 3 stanzas to 2 stanzas.
